The Deep End of the Pool

The road less traveled became the road of narrow measure and very few footsteps. Stepping into the dream I've called life, I surrendered to the God within and of all things. Called by many names, and heard by all, I let go all notions of it as I fell to my feet and again beneath the tree that shaded me from vision. I hid here...within myself where only this work could be done. The work of releasing all fear, expectations, worry, doubt and limitation required committed focus and little effort, for this was the natural state of man. Faced with seeing God in all things and being God to all things, I could no longer remain asleep. Unaware of where this road would lead, I surrendered to the path ahead of me, knowing that not everyone would chose to go. I would come to refer to this path as "jumping into the deep end of the pool," the irony of which was that any depth greater than five feet previously frightened me. But depth is a perception projected by a state of consciousness and I seeked to go wider than any instrument could measure. I say "wider" because the road that I chose would seek to expand my awareness throug which the narrow pathway would later expose.

Chapter V: Ascension

     As I rested I fell into a deep sleep yet remained conscious within my state of observation.  In this state, I watched myself being born to the concept of the death that awaited my physical presence.  I watched within a blink of an eye as my my previous life seemed to unfold before me.  A lifetime of living was condensed into a Milli second of awakening.  The pain of helplessness passed through me as I struggled to navigate through a life that did not recognize me.  I saw myself as a child and then as a woman, attempting to become the innocence I had once been.  I could hear my parents' voices as they called for me to "treat everyone as I wanted to be treated," and to "always try my best."  I could feel the love radiating through their voices and into my listening.  These two phrases would shape my existence, both condemning me and releasing me depending on which path I chose to embody.

Chapter IV: Surrender

   I let my-self go and surrendered to the nature of what I had become or had always been.  This distinction between the two would become my new existence ...somewhere between what I thought myself to be and what I truly was.  For if Nature was my mother and God was my father, than I had become a child reborn to the truth of it all.  In still silence I allowed my thoughts to drift until they became absent from my body, yet everywhere present.  I became the ground on which I stood, aware of its great service to carry all of life, so that we may stand on the troughs of evolution.  Refusing to let us fall, I fell into a state of gratitude and remained there, resting in my awakening.

Chapter III: Omni-present:

Floating somewhere above the earth, before gravity and beyond time, I felt her...gripping my spine, protruding deeply into the earth's core.  My mind could not wrap around the roots of the tree under which I slept nor could I comprehend that it had somehow become me, but indeed it had.  It had become my very living and I had become the expression of its selfless giving.  I could literally feel the soil saturating my attention, holding firm to my growing.  I could even feel the leaves that no longer grew from me, yet would never be apart from me.  I watched the leaves blow away carrying expressions of me to far reaches of the land that housed its intentions.

to be continued...

Note:

Because I do not typically write unless inspired to do so, this blook (blog-book) is evolving as I evolve and am able to grasp the story expressing through me. As such, I would like you to consider as you are reading that perhaps just as the process of this book, life is happening in reverse. Maybe our higher selves are retelling our story back to us and our lives are a collection of evidence of the participation in this story. In reading this blog I encourage you to begin to think more deeply about this life and your role in it. Ask yourself without judgement who you are and allow the answer to permeate through you. Truly engulf yourself in the question, but allow the answer to be said and heard within the deepest level of yourself, your true self and most of all remember to always breathe. I recently read that it is scientifically impossible to stress and breath deeply at the same time, whether this is true or not is inconsequential to the practice of deep breathing. When you breath, picture yourself inhaling white light and give yourself permission to exhale any old illusions of limitation and unforgiveness of yourself or others. I invite you to embark on this journey with me into the land of the unknown as it unfolds into the "always been." Now back to our regularly scheduled program...thank you.

Chapter II: Awakening

     I rested for what felt like an eternity or maybe just a lifetime.  Either way, I rested away the weight of the world that I left behind.  I slept away all of my past, shaded beneath this tree whose branches seemed to bend around me as if it were cradling me in its huge arms.  It was a tree that appeared to have never been touched by man or any creation of him.  This tree was pure, innocent and unscathed as if God had just given birth to the idea of it, as if it somehow was unexposed to the 'growing pains' of life.  In fact, everything in this place looked familiar, yet somehow very different.  The sun shined a warm white light onto life all around it; however, this was a different type of warmth.  What I am describing cannot be attributed to temperature or heat necessarily, but to the warmth of a love that knows no bounds...it simply exists so that life may continue.  This pure white light spread over the earth and created a golden brown surface of soft soil and flowers of colors for which I know no language to describe.  This was a magical place and I somehow felt a ONENESS with it that called me to take notice of its splendor, of its generosity to embody (in-body) beauty regardless of mans lack of vision to see it.  I took a photo of it in my mind and drifted back to sleep, hoping that it would still be there when I awakened but "hope" would be unnecessary for it followed me into my dreams.  I would never again truly experience the world as it were prior to this dream, or shall I say, awakening.

.....to be continued

Chapter I: One with the One

     I ran as fast as my physical body would allow, for it fought me every step of the way, ever since I accepted the choice to leave. I struggled to balance my body with my spirit from the moment of inception.  Thankfully I exercised my spirit enough to have the advantage in such a battle, thus I ran...leaving behind all things that meant nothing.  I dared not look back into the past that made it impossible for me to stay.  Suddenly, I stopped, not abruptly but softly and with deliberate conviction, I stopped.  I stopped in the place where I stood and I realized that I had finally arrived.  I arrived in the dead center of nowhere, yet everywhere that I needed to be. (Sigh) I took a deep and deliberate breath, breathing in the new air of my expanded vision.  I stood still, unmoved but moved by the path that led me here...to this place within my own consciousness.  I collapsed to my knees in utter gratitude weeping silently and then loudly until my voice become a whisper.  Falling into a deep peaceful sleep, I rested beneath a tree that appeared out of place above the warm earth that welcomed my presence.  While I slept I dreamed of the journey that brought me here...